Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Standardized Tests

Yes! It's that time of the year again in public schools throughout the country. It's time to measure what our children know. Or, presumably, what they don't. And as I was watching the students eagerly cramming themselves into our performing arts room to be thoroughly assessed (Heh! Heh! You said Ass! Twice!) the following occurred to me.

The assumption is that every student started the year equal. They were all at the same intellectual plateau. After all, they were all promoted, right?

Further, all of them could learn at the same pace and ability. After all, if they couldn't, they would be in special ed, right?

Further, they all had the same opportunity to learn. That's why a school has a curriculum.

Therefore, if they do not learn, it is either because they chose not to learn, or they were not adequately taught. Still keeping up?

However, it is the teacher's responsibility to inspire the students to learn, and to do well.

Therefore, if students end the school year at different levels, it is the teacher's fault.

Knowing that I'll sleep so much better tonight.

Today's Shallow Thought

You can prove anything to be true if you belive it's true to begin with.

Jesus in the Jello

I can see Jesus!
I can see Jesus!
I can see Jesus in my jello.

I can see Jesus!
Oh I can see Jesus!
I can see Jesus!
He's in my jello!

I got some jello on my tray
and there plain as the light of day
was my Savor,
my Lord Jesus.

Suspended in the cherry jell,
if you'd look, you could tell,
that it's Jesus,
my Lord Jesus.


Now I don't know what to do,
if I leave it out it'll turn to goo.
It'll be the goo,
of my Lord Jesus.

It was meant to be a yummy treat,
but now there's no way I could eat
my Lord Jesus,
Oh my Lord Jesus.


I could put him back in the box,
but then the image would be lost
behind the pot roast,
and the pizzas.

I don't know what course I should take,
so that I won't ever forsake
my Blessed Savor,
My Lord Jesus.


You don't have to squint to know you're saved,
you can see him standing by his grave,
along with a cherry
and some peaches.

Moses might part the gravy sea,
and Mary might be in the creamed peas,
but in the jello
is my Lord Jesus.
Yes in my jello,
is my Lord Jesus.

Repeat Chorus until you get bored with it or until you're struck by lightning.

The Senator Leonard K. Bullfinch Newsletter #15

Creating Jobs

My Fellow Americans:

As you all certainly know, I have recently announced my candidacy for the Office of President of the United States of America. Whereas the central platform of many of my esteemed colleagues seems to be ending the war in Iraq, my candacy will focus instead on what truly matter the most for every American -- Jobs.

The war in Iraq, for instance, has created many jobs in America. Aside from the soldiers (who, if they returned, would flood the labor market, thereby causing unemployment), there are the munitions manufacturers, the entire mortuary industry (including coffins, headstones, and embalming fluid), and all the other associated industries that go with war. It was trur in WW II, and it's true now -- war is good for the economy.

As President, I will also stem the flow of US jobs going to foreign countries (except in the case of war). A recent example that has been brought to my attention is the story of Hugh Williams. Hugh was a self-employed businessman operating a cottage industry in rural southwest Missouri. Until recently, Hugh was able to support his family and offer a much needed service to his community. Until the state government (and might I add, with the cooperation of the federal government) inacted legislation that caused a scarcity and a subsequent rise in price for Hugh's raw materials. As a consequence, Hugh could no longer compete with cheaper resources in an unrestricted Mexican economy. Hugh struggled to keep afloat, being forced to become a distributor for what he once manufactured, with the bulk of the profit that was once his going across the boarder to Mexico. Simply put, Hugh was outsourced.

Hugh's story, fortunately, has a happy ending. In 5-10 years when Hugh is released from Federal Prison for distributing methamphetimines, through the government's inmate training program, Hugh will be able to pursue a career in the fast food industry.

Hugh is one of the lucky ones, but many are not as fortunate as Mr. Williams. Our government can no longer sit around and allow our jobs to be shipped overseas. That is why I support strict legislation that would forbid importing anything into the United States.

The United States has everything we need right within our boarders. We have fine, quality beer, world class whiskey, and some of the finest marijuana on the planet, or so I have been told. And what we don't have we can once again begin making, like TVs and cheap cars. We can also do our own telemarketing and drive our own cabs, by God. And we don't need to improt anyone else's religion, either.

In addition, I also propose the construction of a 100 foot high wall around the entire United States, even along our coasts. Such a major construction job, and the subsequent maintenance, would generate jobs on a scale never before seen in this great country of ours.

Not only would the Great Wall of American -- or, as some of my constituants like to call it, the Bullfinch Barrier -- keep out illegal immigrants and other terrorists, it would also keep our jobs in. Just try to lift a toaster factory over one hundred feet of concrete and razor wire.

With the Bullfinch Barrier the United States would be a safer place. The United States would once again learn to mind her own business, and individuals like Hugh Williams would once again be allowed to pursue the Great American Dream -- becoming obscenely wealthy at the cost of others.

Thank you, and may the God who resides specifically over the First Free Will Temple of Jesus My Blessed Savor bless you, too

Monday, April 02, 2007

The Phone's Ringing

The sound of my mother's voice means death
the unexpected ring in the early evening
for that is the only time she calls
death can wait

I wonder who it is this time
the most likely candidates
the aunts and uncles
are starting to wear thin

Then there's the distant unexpected
the second cousin of a forgotten in-law
that I'm pretty sure I didn't meet
the time we went to that reunion at the park by the levee

And then there are those we fear the most
brothers or sisters
nieces or nephews
or simply the voice of my father on the other end