Monday, April 30, 2007

The Senator Leonard K. Bullfinch Newsletter #17

Troop Surge

My Fellow Americans,

In the run up to the 2008 presidental election, it has become fashionable to question the judgment of our current President, especially concerning his policies in Iraq. Some candidates even state that the President, at best, is an incompetent buffoon. Shame on these naysayers.

All our leaving Iraq will do is deny American soldiers the opportunity to have been killed in the line of duty. Over 3,000 of our young men and women, and quite possibly even a few gays, have died in this noble cause. Whites and coloreds alike. The war is equal opportunity, and these deaths will be in vain unless more people die, too. Preferrably Iraqis. Any Iraqi.

The President's policy in Iraq is perfect for the common man to grasp -- it doesn't require thought. Patriotism often works that way. And I'm proud to say I would have voted for the original invasion if they would've let me. I realize the war was always about oil, but what's wrong with that? Darn it! We need that oil. How dare Iraq threaten the American way of life of doing what we want when we want. And to whomever we want.

Not only do I support the President's current policy in Iraq, but in the spirit of non-parisanship, I am volunteering my services to be the next War Czar -- at a modest price. True, I have no idea what I'll be doing and no experience whatsoever, but that doesn't seem to make a bit of difference, and I couldn't possibly do worse.

What I propose as the next War Czar -- or as the next President, I'm not picky -- is a proper troop surge. 25,000 troops? That's like bringing a six pack to a Teamsters' meeting. I propose to send 15,000,000 troops to Iraq. I'm talking on-on-one -- one soldier for every Iraqi. If they start to make a bomb, shoot 'em. If they're making secret plans, listen, and then shoot 'em.

Do you want a time line for sending our troops back home? That's easy. If you've got no one to watch, you get to go home.

My opponents ask me where I might find 15,000,000 troops. Fifteen million is 5% of the US population, I think, which is roughly how many people support the current troop surge. I say send them.

Thank you, and may God bless America, and especially its politicians, and especially me.


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