Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Ecclesiastes 12:12

Why do people always quote Bible verses to prove the Bible?

Strip Malls

One of the last bastillions of non-normalcy (only an English teacher could get away with a phrase like that) is going the way of the dusky sea-side sparrow (they're extinct too, ya know). I'm talking about strip malls. Here on the south side, at the corner, more or less, of Republic and National, they're putting up a conforming facade on the strip mall.

You know, it's the strip mall that used to have that place that stripped furniture? Making it truly a strip mall. And while we're on the subject, are there any strip malls in Springfield where people actually strip?

Now that I'm off the subject, why do we need so many strip malls in Springfield? They're even changing the front of the Battlefield Mall to look like a strip mall. It's gotta stop. If for no other reason than it proves that things change. Who needs change?

So here's my plan. Stop shopping at strip malls. In fact, stop shopping altogether. That will show these capitalist pigs who's in charge. Eventually, our dead and bloated bodies will so fester with disease that no one will be safe. The fat bastards can hide in their gated communities, but the Masque of Red Death will find them.

Then we'll win!

Sunday, August 06, 2006


The chairs on my front porch
aren't sat in.
They're there to give that look of leisure,
that we have time to kill,
cool evenings sipping complex drinks
that are only possible
with a painstaking search
for just the right ingredients.
An acquired taste, I'm sure.
There we could sit
while the rest of the work
gets magically done.
All those never ending chores.
The shopping,
the cleaning,
the sweeping of leaves
off of the front porch.