Thursday, August 24, 2006

Nuke Canada Now!

So I was at the Post Office yesterday mailing a package to my son in Argentina, and I found out that it's against the law to mail butter to Canada. Let's not even worry about the Why. I'm going straight to the How. OK, maybe worry a little about the Why. Why would you want to? Oh, never mind... on to the How.

How would you mail butter anywhere, much less Canada? And what does Canada have against our butter? Could you mail margerine? How about if you were Canadian? Could you mail butter from Canada to the United States? I would certainly hope not! After all, if they're too good to take our butter, I say the hell with Canada!

We need to put a stop to this nonsense right now! Don't want our butter, huh? Well how about some cruise missiles up their ass? You know, over the years we've put up with a lot of crap from Canada. When a cold front comes in, where does it come from? Yup, Canada! Ever step in goose crap? Yup, Canada Gooses. We're the United States! We don't take crap off anybody, especially a bunch of sissy Canadians! And especially not their geese! Nuke 'em, I say.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

KC Out of It

Kansas City's hopes for a pennant faded last night. Even though the resurgent Royal's had the night off, Detroit was victorious over the White Sox, thereby eliminating KC. Oh well, there'll be next decade.

Monday, August 21, 2006

What's So Wrong With Fascism?

It was just last week that President Bush, in response to the failed attempt to blow up all the British airliners, called those people who were planning it "Islamic Fascists." My first thought was: What the hell is an Islamic Fascist? After a week, it still is.

I know what Islamic is. It's a beautiful religion that a few fundamental kooks have given a horrible name to. Much like Christianity. However, I was a bit foggy on Facism. After all, it had to be Fascism that Bush had the problem with, right? Because he would never come out publicly and say that being Islamic was the problem. Right?

Not wanting to think too hard about it myself, I let the Internet do the walking, and I came up with “Fourteen Defining Characteristics of Fascism” by somebody named Dr. Lawrence Britt. He must know what he’s talking about because he is a Doctor. You can find it at .

The good doctor “has examined the fascist regimes of Hitler (Germany), Mussolini (Italy), Franco (Spain), Suharto (Indonesia) and several Latin American regimes. Britt found 14 defining characteristics common to each….”

And those are:

1. Powerful and Continuing Nationalism - Fascist regimes tend to make constant use of patriotic mottos, slogans, symbols, songs, and other paraphernalia. Flags are seen everywhere, as are flag symbols on clothing and in public displays.

Yup. Sounds like...wait. It sounds like... Ok... We'll get back on this one.

2. Disdain for the Recognition of Human Rights - Because of fear of enemies and the need for security, the people in fascist regimes are persuaded that human rights can be ignored in certain cases because of "need." The people tend to look the other way or even approve of torture, summary executions, assassinations, long incarcerations of prisoners, etc.

Nope. I don't of anywhere like that, except maybe for some Communist nations. Like Cuba.

3. Identification of Enemies/Scapegoats as a Unifying Cause - The people are rallied into a unifying patriotic frenzy over the need to eliminate a perceived common threat or foe: racial , ethnic or religious minorities; liberals; communists; socialists, terrorists, etc.

OK. I'm going to stop with the running comments.

4. Supremacy of the Military - Even when there are widespread domestic problems, the military is given a disproportionate amount of government funding, and the domestic agenda is neglected. Soldiers and military service are glamorized.

5. Rampant Sexism - The governments of fascist nations tend to be almost exclusively male-dominated. Under fascist regimes, traditional gender roles are made more rigid.

Divorce, abortion and homosexuality are suppressed and the state is represented as the ultimate guardian of the family institution.

6. Controlled Mass Media - Sometimes to media is directly controlled by the government, but in other cases, the media is indirectly controlled by government regulation, or sympathetic media spokespeople and executives. Censorship, especially in war time, is very common.

7. Obsession with National Security - Fear is used as a motivational tool by the government over the masses.

8. Religion and Government are Intertwined - Governments in fascist nations tend to use the most common religion in the nation as a tool to manipulate public opinion. Religious rhetoric and terminology is common from government leaders, even when the major tenets of the religion are diametrically opposed to the government's policies or actions.

9. Corporate Power is Protected - The industrial and business aristocracy of a fascist nation often are the ones who put the government leaders into power, creating a mutually beneficial business/government relationship and power elite.

10. Labor Power is Suppressed - Because the organizing power of labor is the only real threat to a fascist government, labor unions are either eliminated entirely, or are severely suppressed.

11. Disdain for Intellectuals and the Arts - Fascist nations tend to promote and tolerate open hostility to higher education, and academia. It is not uncommon for professors and other academics to be censored or even arrested. Free expression in the arts and letters is openly attacked.

12. Obsession with Crime and Punishment - Under fascist regimes, the police are given almost limitless power to enforce laws. The people are often willing to overlook police abuses and even forego civil liberties in the name of patriotism. There is often a national police force with virtually unlimited power in fascist nations.

13. Rampant Cronyism and Corruption - Fascist regimes almost always are governed by groups of friends and associates who appoint each other to government positions and use governmental power and authority to protect their friends from accountability. It is not uncommon in fascist regimes for national resources and even treasures to be appropriated or even outright stolen by government leaders.

14. Fraudulent Elections - Sometimes elections in fascist nations are a complete sham. Other times elections are manipulated by smear campaigns against or even assassination of opposition candidates, use of legislation to control voting numbers or political district boundaries, and manipulation of the media. Fascist nations also typically use their judiciaries to manipulate or control elections.

Wow. How about 14 out of 14 for the Bush Administration? So, if Bush says that it's wrong to be an Islamic Fascist, obviously he's upset because the Muslims are giving fascism a bad name.

Bush Improves in Polls!

No. Really.

You see, Bush was elected with barely 50% of the vote, right? And less than 50% of the population that could vote actually bothered to vote. Follow along. It's math, but it makes sense. That means that maybe...maybe...25% of the voting public actually wanted Bush to begin with. So, if his approval rating is now at 30%, give or take, he's actually gone up in the polls. I don't know about you, but I call that a mandate.

KC Hangs On

Detroit kept Kansas City's playoff hopes alive yesterday by losing. As it stands, if Kansas City wins every game for the rest of the year, and Detroit loses every game for the rest of the year, then they will end in a dead tie. Of course, a playoff game wouldn't be necessary, because even if Kansas City wins every game and Detroit loses every game, KC will still end up out of the playoff race, mostly because for Detroit to lose every game, it means that Chicago would have to win every game they play against Detroit, but Chicaco would have to lose, too....

OK. Here's the scenario. The White Sox are flying in an airplane that collides with an airplane carrying the Minnesota Twins, and both planes crash onto the field where Cleveland and Detroit are playing.

It's a long shot, but if you're a KC fan, what other hope is there?