Thursday, August 31, 2006

I Love America

(Don’t cha know)

Don’t you know I love America?
I love the USA.
You know I love America;
it’s what my bumper stickers say.

I’ve got a flag on my antennae,
I’ve got magnets on my trunk.
I can’t see out my windows
there so covered with this junk.

You can tell a brother patriot,
from near or from afar.
Is that one big bumper sticker?
No, wait, it’s a car.

There are terrorists among us;
they are easily seen.
They’re the ones in the Chevys
whose back windows are clean.

Don’t cha let ‘em into traffic
Go ahead and flip ‘em off
run off of the roadway
show ‘em we’ve taken enough

Fire bomb their apartments
run over all their pets
Drag them from the cars
Hey! We’re not through with you yet!

Kick ‘em! Bite ‘em! Beat ‘em!
Stomp upon their head!
If you’re not one of us
then you’re better off dead!

These are the rights that we fought for
well... maybe... not really me -- but somebody did
And that’s what makes America free
And we shouldn’t think twice about killing
all those who disagree

Don’t you know I love America?
I love the USA.
You know I love America;
it’s what my bumper stickers say.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Planet Hollywood

Now that Pluto's no longer a planet, I guess I'll have to change my vacation plans. I mean, really, I don't understand what everybody's so upset about. Me? I'm glad these smart guys have figured it out. But now that they've got Pluto, they need to move on... to Goofy.

I mean, what the hell is Goofy? Pluto's a dog. He acts like a dog. If Goofy's a dog, too... I mean, how weird is that? How come Goofy gets to speak and Pluto doesn't? And if he's a dog, what's he doing dating a cow? I mean, that's just warped. That's even weirder than that thing between Miss Piggy and Kermit. I seriously doubt that Goofy's a cow. If he is, where are his horns? Unless, of couse, he's not a bull.... Not that there's anything wrong with that, but aren't Bert and Ernie enough to have to explain to your kids?

Why does there have to be all this controversy? Why can't they all just stay in their vans and get stoned, like Shaggy and Scooby?

And while where on that subject, What Would Scooby Doo?