Saturday, September 16, 2006

What About Ted?

Ned Nuggent, that is. You know, the '70s rocker, avid hunter, and all-around biggot and unapologetic racist. And if you didn't know, Ted is so anti-immigrant that he wants to pretty much send all of them back, whomever them might be. After all, America is made for us Americans. Yada Yada Yada.

Getting to the point... Ted would be easy to ignore. After all, "Cat Scratch Fever" is a stupid song, at best (admit it) and other songs of his, like "Great White Buffalo," are just pathetic. All told, Ted has maybe, maybe one song worth listening to. But that one song. Woof! "Stranglehold" is one of the greatest songs ever.

Can I still like "Stranglehold" and not like Ted Nuggent?

Friday, September 15, 2006

It's 4:20...Time to Play Halo

No kidding. The other day my son was playing Halo 2 and I happened to be in the room watching (it really can be a lot of fun to watch, especially if you're in the right frame of mind, but I digress). So anyway, his character walked by a wall and I happened to notice something (don't ask me how), so I had him go back and magnify the wall. The entire wall was weed. (Italics added for emphasis) In fact, every where you look in the game is weed. If you don't magnify it, it looks like moss, or just shading. But up close... Wow. It makes my eyes red just thinking about it. Who says those games aren't educational?

Thursday, September 14, 2006


Talk Like a Pirate day is this coming up Tuesday. There's a great web site: , or something like that. I intend to strap on me cutlass and swill the grog with me laddies, and maybe board a wench or two. Arrrr!

For those of you unfamiliar on how to talk like a pirate, I give you the following (which was liberally stolen from the above web site):

Pirate Lingo

Anybody can talk like a pirate. After all, education was optional in those seafarin’ days of yore. Listed below are several common pirate terms. All you have to do is combine them in new and exciting ways. Be creative. For instance: “Arrr! Me beauty. That bilge rat has poured me grog down me bung hole. Now the lubber will taste the steel of me cutlass!”

Arrr! -- The 18th letter in the alphabet. It means just about anything you want it to mean. Some articulate pirates can exist on just this one word alone. Emphasis is everything.

Arrrghhh! -- A lot like Arrr!, only more negative. Such as, “Arrrghhh! Ye spilled me grog, ye scurvy dog ye! Prepare to taste the steel of me cutlass!”

Beauty -- A saucy wench. As in “Me beauty, bring me the grog!”

Bilge Rat -- The bilge is the lowest level of the ship. it is loaded with ballast and slimy, reeking water. A bilge rat, then, is a rat that lives in the worst place on the ship. Quite an insult.

Grog -- An alcoholic drink, usually rum diluted with water, but could be sued to refer to any alcoholic beverage other than beer.

Hearties -- As in “Me hearties” Friends.

Hornpipe -- A single-reeded musical instrument often used to make announcements aboard ships. As in "Arrrr! Me bonnie lass. Care to give me hornpipe a blow?

Lubber -- (or land lubber) A lover of land. Quite an insult.

Bung -- Where victuals (pirate talk for food) were stored on a ship. A bung hole, then, was how those victuals were taken out of the bung. No kiddin'.

Brass Monkey -- An indented piece of metal designed as a base on which to stack cannonballs, much like a large muffin pan. Brass will contract when it gets cold. If it contracts enough, the cannonballs will fall off. So, therefore, it really can get cold enough to freeze the balls off of a brass monkey. No kiddin'. Ain't talkin' like a pirate great?

Ahoy! -- Hello. As in “Ahoy! Is that a chocolate chip cookie?”

Avast! -- Stop and give attention. Some what like: “Dude! Check that out!”

Cutlass -- A popular car from the ‘70s. Also a nasty broad-bladed sword.

Corvette -- Another popular car, or a fast sailing ship. Depends on whether you capitalize it or not.

Aye! -- Yes!

Scurvy -- As in “Me Scurvy Mate!” Scurvy is an illness caused from lack of vitamin C. Which, incidentally, is why British sailors were called “Limeys.” They took limes with them on voyages for vitamin C. Limes are superior to other citrus fruits, since they tend to dry out better and are thus more suitable for loner voyages.

Ye -- You, your (not to be confused with yore).

Me -- I, my, mine, and even, on occasion, me.

Be -- Any “to be” verb conjugation. (I be, you be, he be, they be, we be). Past tense: be-ed.

Overhead -- The ceiling.

Bulkhead -- The wall.

Head -- The toilet. As in, “Arrrr! Where be the head?”

Shanghai -- As in: “I was Shanghaied off the Barbary Coast, ye scurvy dog, ye!” Sailors were often “recruited” in local pubs. They were either drugged, gotten drunk, or simply hit on the head. When they woke up, they were out to sea. Kind of hard to quit.

Cat-o-nine tails -- A whip that had nine straps coming off the handle. Several lashes with the cat-o-nine tails could seriously ruin your afternoon. Such punishments were often necessary, especially among those sailors who were Shanghaied.

Keel haul -- Another popular punishment. A bit more serious than ten lashes with the cat-o-nine tails. The keel is the bottom of the boat that is in the water. When you were keel hauled, a rope was sent under the ship and tied to you, and then your mates would pull you around the ship. You better hope you can hold your breath for a long time, and that your mates could pull quickly, or that they really were your mates. This was quite often fatal.

Plank -- As in “Walk the plank ye lubber!” Davie Jones be waitin’ for ye!” A bit less restrictive than being keel hauled, except, of course, for the fact that no one intended to bring you back, ever.

Yard Arm -- As in “Hang ‘em from the Yard Arm!” Part of a ship’s rigging -- that stuff the sails are hung on, and technically the sails, too, and often a mate... or two.

Davie Jones -- John Paul’s younger brother. The one who dropped out of school.

Bonnie Lass -- A good looking woman. As in “That be one fine bonnie lass.”

Wench -- a series of pullies designed to haul heavy weighs, such as obese women. Also the women.

Swab -- to mop. As in “A swab the deck me matey!”

Swabby -- one who swabs the deck, which was just about everybody on a ship except the captain.

Matey -- your buddy. As in “Aye, me matey! Leave me bung hole be!”

Mast -- The big pole that sticks up on the ship. The main mast was the biggest pole.

Port -- Where the ship’s heading, or where it came from. Also, the left side on a ship.

Starboard -- The right side on a ship.

Starbuck -- Captain Ahab’s coffee-guzzling first mate. No kidding. Captain Ahab, of course, was the captain of the Pequod. Remember? Moby Dick? The Great White Whale? There’s some light summer reading.

Belay -- Cancel. As in “Belay that order, ye lubber ye!”

Deck -- What you play cards with, or the floor. As in “Swab the deck, ye swabby!”

Mess -- Food. As in “I be takin’ me mess in me quarters.”

Shiver me Timbers! -- a statement of shock and alarm. As in “Shiver me Timbers if it be Davie Jones himself, come to claim the soul of this salty dog!”

Booty -- Treasure. Apparently it was popular for pirates to shake their treasure, though historians haven’t been able to figure out why.

Smart -- Seamanly. As in “Look smartly, now, or we might mistake ye for a lubber!” Never forget that on Talk Like a Pirate Day the Saucy Wenches all expect to see some seamen.

Salt -- A sailor. As in “Ye ol’ salt! May the devil take ye!”

Well blow me down! -- Literally: "Gosh golly! Well I’ll be darned!" Also, the second best pick-up line on Talk Like a Pirate Day. (Number one? Prepare to be boarded!)

Chum -- I’m not really sure about this one, but I don’t want to eat it. I think it’s bait fish. What others might call Sushi.

Other words to throw in at random: Porthole, arrrr, lagoon, arrrr, harbor, arrrr, barnacles, arrrr, rudder, arrrr, cannon, arrrr, anchor, arrrr, urchins, arrrr, treasure chest, and, of course, Arrrr!

Remember: As long as you say it with an accent and throw in an Arrrr! or two, ye be talkin’ like a pirate, ye be! Arrrr!

The Other Way

It's important
to know what you look like from behind.
Every angle,
every nuance,
every curve,
every twitch.
That way
if you ever see yourself,
you can quickly turn around
and go the other way.

Brought to You By....

I was listening to a local radio station the other day... And is it just me, or is it really in good taste to have Brown Derby sponser traffic watch?