Friday, February 23, 2007

An Inappropriate Blog

I'd like to apologize to all those people that my blog has offended. For the life of me, I can't decide which of the three people it might have been, but one of you is really pissed that I use such words as "piss" in my blog. Well, shit, I did it again.

So I did about 10 minutes worth of research and I came up with the following:

"The Board of Education should not be empowered to dismiss any teacher whose personal, private conduct incures its disapproval. A teacher's behavior should disqualify him only when it is clearly related to his effectiveness in his job. When his job as a teacher is not affected, his private behavior is his own business and should not form a basis for discipline."

(Morrison v. Board of Education)

Or how about:

"The private writings of a teacher...'are absolutely immaterial' and cannot be used to justify discharging the teacher."

(Jarvella v. Willoughby)

Or, along those same lines:

"'The state is not allowed to penalize its citizens for their thoughts, for it would be the rare and either mindless, supine or super-saintly citizen who has not at some time contemplated and then rejected the illegal.'"

(Bogart v. Unified School District No. 298 of Lincoln City, Kansas)

And finally:

Only that which is "legally obscene" is "not entitled to First Amendment protecvtion...." Therefore, if it's not "legally obscene," then a teacher is protected by the constitution.

(Weissbaum v. Hannon)

By the way, legally obscene, which is truly vague, is generally defined as depicting "sexual conduct in a patently offensive way, and lacks serious literary or artistic value." Good luck with that.

All the above was taken from The Rights of Students and Teachers (Louis Fischer and David Schimmel, Harper & Row, 1982). Yeah, I know that was 25 years ago. But then, I'm willing to bet not that much has changed.

And now, the disclaimer: This blog is fiction. It is a creative outlet for me. In fact, I'm still amazed that anyone else reads it at all. It is not intended to be read by close-minded idiots, although apparently it has been. It is not intended to be anything but fun. If it makes you think, well hey, the day's not been a total waste. But if you want me to stop, let me remind you of one thing: My two best friends from college both became lawyers. I belong to two legal organizations that both include legal representation. And my wife works with several lawyers that I happen to know, too. I guess that's more than one thing, but you get the idea...let's hope.

And now, back to the fun.

The Comfort of My Home

Would you like me any less
if you knew I wore a dress
in the comfort of my home,
with the shades drawn down low?

If I spent my weekends stoned
talking on the phone
with someone I paid to say those things,
would your opinion of me change?

Does it matter how I play?
Does it matter how I pray?
Or if I don't pray at all?

Does it matter wht I read?
Does it matter what I believe?
Or if I don't believe anything at all?

If you're peeking through my blinds
don't be surprised what you might find
in the comfort of my home,
where all I ask is to be left alone.