The Senator Leonard K. Bullfinch Newsletter #15
Creating Jobs
My Fellow Americans:
As you all certainly know, I have recently announced my candidacy for the Office of President of the United States of America. Whereas the central platform of many of my esteemed colleagues seems to be ending the war in Iraq, my candacy will focus instead on what truly matter the most for every American -- Jobs.
The war in Iraq, for instance, has created many jobs in America. Aside from the soldiers (who, if they returned, would flood the labor market, thereby causing unemployment), there are the munitions manufacturers, the entire mortuary industry (including coffins, headstones, and embalming fluid), and all the other associated industries that go with war. It was trur in WW II, and it's true now -- war is good for the economy.
As President, I will also stem the flow of US jobs going to foreign countries (except in the case of war). A recent example that has been brought to my attention is the story of Hugh Williams. Hugh was a self-employed businessman operating a cottage industry in rural southwest Missouri. Until recently, Hugh was able to support his family and offer a much needed service to his community. Until the state government (and might I add, with the cooperation of the federal government) inacted legislation that caused a scarcity and a subsequent rise in price for Hugh's raw materials. As a consequence, Hugh could no longer compete with cheaper resources in an unrestricted Mexican economy. Hugh struggled to keep afloat, being forced to become a distributor for what he once manufactured, with the bulk of the profit that was once his going across the boarder to Mexico. Simply put, Hugh was outsourced.
Hugh's story, fortunately, has a happy ending. In 5-10 years when Hugh is released from Federal Prison for distributing methamphetimines, through the government's inmate training program, Hugh will be able to pursue a career in the fast food industry.
Hugh is one of the lucky ones, but many are not as fortunate as Mr. Williams. Our government can no longer sit around and allow our jobs to be shipped overseas. That is why I support strict legislation that would forbid importing anything into the United States.
The United States has everything we need right within our boarders. We have fine, quality beer, world class whiskey, and some of the finest marijuana on the planet, or so I have been told. And what we don't have we can once again begin making, like TVs and cheap cars. We can also do our own telemarketing and drive our own cabs, by God. And we don't need to improt anyone else's religion, either.
In addition, I also propose the construction of a 100 foot high wall around the entire United States, even along our coasts. Such a major construction job, and the subsequent maintenance, would generate jobs on a scale never before seen in this great country of ours.
Not only would the Great Wall of American -- or, as some of my constituants like to call it, the Bullfinch Barrier -- keep out illegal immigrants and other terrorists, it would also keep our jobs in. Just try to lift a toaster factory over one hundred feet of concrete and razor wire.
With the Bullfinch Barrier the United States would be a safer place. The United States would once again learn to mind her own business, and individuals like Hugh Williams would once again be allowed to pursue the Great American Dream -- becoming obscenely wealthy at the cost of others.
Thank you, and may the God who resides specifically over the First Free Will Temple of Jesus My Blessed Savor bless you, too
My Fellow Americans:
As you all certainly know, I have recently announced my candidacy for the Office of President of the United States of America. Whereas the central platform of many of my esteemed colleagues seems to be ending the war in Iraq, my candacy will focus instead on what truly matter the most for every American -- Jobs.
The war in Iraq, for instance, has created many jobs in America. Aside from the soldiers (who, if they returned, would flood the labor market, thereby causing unemployment), there are the munitions manufacturers, the entire mortuary industry (including coffins, headstones, and embalming fluid), and all the other associated industries that go with war. It was trur in WW II, and it's true now -- war is good for the economy.
As President, I will also stem the flow of US jobs going to foreign countries (except in the case of war). A recent example that has been brought to my attention is the story of Hugh Williams. Hugh was a self-employed businessman operating a cottage industry in rural southwest Missouri. Until recently, Hugh was able to support his family and offer a much needed service to his community. Until the state government (and might I add, with the cooperation of the federal government) inacted legislation that caused a scarcity and a subsequent rise in price for Hugh's raw materials. As a consequence, Hugh could no longer compete with cheaper resources in an unrestricted Mexican economy. Hugh struggled to keep afloat, being forced to become a distributor for what he once manufactured, with the bulk of the profit that was once his going across the boarder to Mexico. Simply put, Hugh was outsourced.
Hugh's story, fortunately, has a happy ending. In 5-10 years when Hugh is released from Federal Prison for distributing methamphetimines, through the government's inmate training program, Hugh will be able to pursue a career in the fast food industry.
Hugh is one of the lucky ones, but many are not as fortunate as Mr. Williams. Our government can no longer sit around and allow our jobs to be shipped overseas. That is why I support strict legislation that would forbid importing anything into the United States.
The United States has everything we need right within our boarders. We have fine, quality beer, world class whiskey, and some of the finest marijuana on the planet, or so I have been told. And what we don't have we can once again begin making, like TVs and cheap cars. We can also do our own telemarketing and drive our own cabs, by God. And we don't need to improt anyone else's religion, either.
In addition, I also propose the construction of a 100 foot high wall around the entire United States, even along our coasts. Such a major construction job, and the subsequent maintenance, would generate jobs on a scale never before seen in this great country of ours.
Not only would the Great Wall of American -- or, as some of my constituants like to call it, the Bullfinch Barrier -- keep out illegal immigrants and other terrorists, it would also keep our jobs in. Just try to lift a toaster factory over one hundred feet of concrete and razor wire.
With the Bullfinch Barrier the United States would be a safer place. The United States would once again learn to mind her own business, and individuals like Hugh Williams would once again be allowed to pursue the Great American Dream -- becoming obscenely wealthy at the cost of others.
Thank you, and may the God who resides specifically over the First Free Will Temple of Jesus My Blessed Savor bless you, too
posted by The Holy Grail Press at 11:45 AM
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