Friday, December 30, 2005

A Really Heavy Thought

If you beat someone over the head with a tuba, would it be a percussion instrument?

Dear World

Just yesterday as I was mowing the lawn
I realized that I no longer have the patience for a house plant.
Maybe patience is the wrong word.
Maybe it's energy.
Is it motivation?
When I think of the effort required,
the work,
I just don't want to do it.
There's probably something significant there,
the symptoms of a much deeper problem.

Pardon my intrusiveness.
I guess that's the sort of thing
that people really don't want you to share,
regardless of what they say about friendship and trust
and openness.
But the truth is,
I never really liked you that much anyway.
I never really liked you at all.
I was just being kind
in an inoffensive sort of way.

Slow Thought

Be patient. This is going to take a minute--but it'll be worth it.

If insane asylums had basketball teams, and they played in leagues with other asylums (which might not be too far off from the present NBA)... What if they had a championship game? Of course, it would be played in front of people who would be crazy too, since no sane person would really want to watch a bunch of old men play a game as quintesentially ignorant as basketball, no matter how good they were. (Yes, I just called basketball stupid. I realize that's punishable by exile in some parts of the state. I'll leave peacefully.)

So the underdogs, the Louisville Loonies, have been down all night, but they've been slowly coming back, especially since the end of the 3rd quarter. With only 13 seconds left, though, and up by two, the Psychos are in control of the ball, and seemingly the game, when Larry Lubbert (#28) loses the ball! My God! It's up for grabs. The refs are calling it a jump ball and Oh my God! Can you believe it! It's Louisville's ball! 6 seconds on the clock, quick inbound pass to McElroy who's open from way-y-y-y-y beyond the three point line and BAM! Nothing but net! And the crowd goes sane!

It's a controversial treatment, Dr. Tupidsay, but it seems to have worked. Tell me, Doctor, is it necessary to be a sports' fan for it to work?

(It was good for about you?)

Quick Thought

If you were a gay guy who finally came out and admitted after all these years that he was, after all, straight, would you be going back in?

Thursday, December 29, 2005

December Wind

There is only despair
that blows in the cold wind of December
There is no place to hide
no where to go
but to hunker down
with back to the wind
a wind that will not cease
until it has blown you like a leaf
that will be forgotten in the Spring

Wednesday, December 28, 2005


Sorry I haven't been posting as much lately. It's called vacation. Yeah, I know. I'm off. I'm home. What better do I have to do? Yup. Ya got me.

Quick Thought

Would Jesus have been diagnosed with a Messiah Complex?

Honk if You Love Psychopaths

Honest to god. I saw this bumper sticker on a pickup truck the other day. "US Marines: Travel Agents for Allah." Wow. If I even have to explain how that is wrong on Oh so many levels, then you're already beyond help.

Darn Those Atheists!

I'm really ticked because people aren't saying "Have a Blessed New Year which has been mercifully granted to us through the redeeming grace of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ." After all, it's AD! What the heck do you think AD stands for? After Death! After Jesus' death, who died for us! Let's not ignore Him in the New Year, which has been mercifully granted to us through the redeeming grace of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ." Do not shop at any business that does not wish you a Blessed New Year which has been mercifully granted to us through the redeeming grace of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ." By golly, we'll show them! And have a Happy New Year!

Just a Matter of Time

Everybody knows you're stoned,
and it's not just the paranoia.
You're not kidding anybody,
you know.
You never have.

The way your neighbor waves
as you drive past.
She knows.

The way the gal in Git N Go smiles
as she carefully counts out your change.
She knows.

The guy in the car across from you at the intersection,
the way he motions for you to go.
He knows.

That guy just now at the recycle center,
the way you had to shuffle step around each other
when nobody knows where the other guy is going.
Yeah. He knows.

Especially your wife and kids.
Oh yeah, they know.
And if you think really hard
it's pretty obvious why,
for all of these years,
they've been willing to ignore it.

We've always known it,
even when you've been straight.
Even before you ever started getting high,
we knew it.
You can tell.
You can tell that you're a stoner.
Just waiting.
It's only a matter of time.

for Rachel