Thursday, April 26, 2007

The Senator Leonard K. Bullfinch Newsletter #16


My Fellow Americans:

Sex. It’s everywhere. It is estimated that every minute a child is born in America. If that’s the case, then there is always someone having sex. Think about it.

Drive by a billboard, open a magazine, or turn on the TV. There’s sex everywhere. There’s even sex in the Bible! This cannot be allowed! Unless something is done, and done quickly, this obsession with sex will be the downfall of this great country of ours.

Many people have offered explanations as to why this perversion has flourished in our country. Everything from no longer being able to pray in school to the godless ACLU has been held up as responsible. Whereas these and other things, such as the liberal media and Democrats in general, cannot be held blameless, the true cause is much more horrific.

My research, based entirely on common sense and unfounded speculation, has uncovered an insidious conspiracy that has no less than the destruction of the United States as its goal. And I wouldn’t be surprised if that Ben Laudanum or Al Katydid guy was at the core of it.

What I’m speaking about is the planned destruction of the United States of god-fearing America with sex. And it all starts with sex education.

Sex education lets the young people in our country know that they can have sex. It’s not a question of leaving that information to the home. Our children should not know it at all. No one should tell children about sex. It’s like candy. If children did not know that candy existed would they throw a fit for it in the aisles of Wal-Mart? The answer is simple: No.

Sex education, then, leads to contraceptives, and especially condoms. Follow the logic. Children know that sex exists, so they want it. That’s human nature. But they also know that sex causes pregnancy, which they don’t want. The solution, therefore, is a condom. Simply put, condoms cause sex. Some schools and community agencies even give condoms away, paid for with our tax dollars. In essence, we are paying for someone else -- someone other than you -- to have sex. How wrong is that?

When young men -- boys -- are allowed easy access to condoms it triggers in them the urge to have sex. Unfortunately, it does not have the same effect on girls. I have personally researched this. Simply because you have a condom in your wallet does not mean that a female -- any female -- will have sex with you, or even want to, even if you’re willing to pay. Not that I would ever do such a thing. But, as further, personal research has shown, this leads to sexual frustration.

Now add in the last piece to the puzzle: Legalized gay marriage. If gay unions are legal, then people will see it as a viable alternative to being straight. And since everybody knows that gay people have more sex than straight people, why would anybody chose to be straight? Maybe it will just be the guys at first, but when all the guys turn gay, what will the women do? Yup, rampant lesbianism. And who would even want to watch? Eventually our country will become totally gay.

These are patient people, our enemies. All they have to do is wait until there are just a bunch of old gays too decrepit to fight back. And then, America, as we have known it, ceases to exist. The threat is real, and all because of sex.

The solution is therefore three fold. To prevent unwanted sex and all that goes with it -- disease, pregnancy, and perversion -- we must first stop teaching our children about sex. In fact, I propose to make it illegal for anyone -- even doctors -- to discuss sex with anyone under the age of 40. Next, we must outlaw all contraceptives, especially condoms. Contraceptives cause sex. Plain and simple. Therefore, there can be no age limit for these tools of perversion, for they can too easily find their way to our youngsters and then cause Satan only knows what. And finally, we must outlaw anything but heterosexuality. It should be illegal even to speak about anything other than a man and a woman doing anything other than... well, you know. And if you don’t know, you don’t need to. Unless you’re over 40.


Blogger broadwaybabe said...

who the heck is this senator any way? im googling it. can somebody say paranoid.

5:28 PM  

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