God is Everywhere!

Since the crack investigative squad here at HGP uncovered the plot by conservative Christians (among others, such as the Greco-Roman God Cult and the Norse Godians) to infiltrate God (or their particular flavour of the Almighty) into everything (namely, the calendar), we've discovered that the plot runs even deeper. It's insidious!

Here in Missouri, just to the south of where I am sitting right now, lies Christian County. Yes, an entire county named after Christ. Check your atlas. There is no Pagan County in Missouri. There is no Buddhist County. No Allah County. No Godless heathen Atheist County. How can we let that stand? It makes me want to move to Stone County!

And then there's Purgatory, Colorado. The Catholics slipped that one by us, didn't they. This cannot be allowed.

And this just in: There's a Hell! Not necessarily the place of fire and brimstone, but a city in the Cayman Islands. That cannot be allowed. Just because they're a sovereign nation hasn't stopped us before.

How many more are there out there? We would look on a map, but that's just too much work.

And here's one. Did you realize that "Goodbye" is a contraction of the phrase "God be with you"? (No kidding, it really is.) What did you think a "bye" was? And why would anyone care if you had a good one? It would be so much easier educating you people if you were smart to begin with! And we're not even going to touch "Hello."

Daily, our children's teachers tell our children "goodbye." Call a government office. What's the last thing they say, mind you with the tax payers' dollars, when they end a conversation? You got it...Goodbye. This is got to stop. Nobody says, "Allahbye." No one says, "Buddahbye." And don't you wonder now about those people who just say, "Bye." Those must be the atheists.

My proposal: Legislation. We change goodbye to "Later, dude."

Later, dude.