The Lunatic Monologues: #2

Harrison, Arkansas

So, you’re from Harrison, Arkansas, are ya? I was there. About thirty years ago. I ate in this little restaurant up on a hill. Everybody told me to go there. Said it was the best place in town. Everybody said, “Ya got to have the frog legs.” And I like a good frog leg. Oh, yes. I certainly do. So I went to the restaurant and I order me some of their frog legs. And they was the worst frog legs that I ever ate. So I tried to send them back. Hell, I couldn’t eat ‘em. Nobody could eat ‘em. But they wouldn’t give me anymore. And they wouldn’t give me my money back. Said I’d done ate half of ‘em. Hell, I hadn’t ate more than a leg, maybe two. So this big ass cook comes out and tells me to get out. That’s just what he says, “Get out!” Like he knows something. And I says, “Hell, you eat ‘em.” And he takes a swing at me and I swing back, and next thing I know there’s about six guys on me, all kickin’ and punchin’ and spittin’. They spit on me! And they threw me out of that restaurant, said if I didn’t get out of town they’d kick my ass even more. Well, I left. But from that day on I’ve told myself that everybody I meet from Harrison, Arkansas, well, I’m going to kick their ass. And buddy, I guess it’s your turn.

This is number two in the now famous monologue series. Conversations that you didn’t want to be on the other half of.