The Lunatic Monologues: #1

The Secret Society

We're a secret society. We go into stores and try cheap brands until we find a brand of anything -- say beans -- and we find a jar -- a cheap jar -- that's just as good as the expensive brands. You know -- we're looking for the one that snuck through. And then we share that information with other people in the society. But we keep it a secret. You see, if it got out that a cheap brand was just as good as the expensive brand, then everybody would but the cheap brand, so then they would raise the price. And we all share with each other -- those who have found a really good paper towel lets it in on the guy that found the really good pickles. But none of us know more that a name or two. It's the only way to keep it truly secret. You don't realize how important it is to keep it secret. You can't. Oh, it's more than just saving a few cents. It's that we beat the bastards. We beat 'em. Do you have any idea how much bad mustard I've eaten? Do you even realize how bad mustard can get? I didn't think so. But I'm going to find that mustard. It's out there. And nobody is going to stop me or any of the rest of us. And that's why now I've got to kill you.

This is number one in the now famous Lunatic Monologue series. Conversations that you didn't want to be on the other side of.