Throwing in the Hat

(Billings, MT) Senator Leonard K. Bullfinch (At-Large) announced late yesterday (the day before that on the East Coast) that he is officially forming a committee to explore the creation of an exploratory committee to run for the Presidency of the United States of America. He made the announcement to a packed house at the Billings Bingo Bonanza in Billings Montana. When asked why he chose Billings, all Senator Bullfinch had to say was, “Bingo!”

Should he choose to choose to run, Bullfinch says he will stick to his core values of family, God, and porn. For instance, Senator Bullfinch favors withdrawing everybody from Iraq, even the Iraqis, requiring every US citizen to own a handgun, passing a Constitutional Amendment declaring a national religion, and building a 100 foot high wall around the entire United States. Stated Bullfinch, “Yeah, that ought to keep ‘em in.”

Bullfinch says that his biggest problem at this stage is fundraising. According to his campaign manager, Ivan Tupidsay, they so far have raised $17.32, and one free movie rental at Blockbuster. He encourages everyone to send him as much money as possible. More coupons would be nice, too.

Mr. Tupidsay says that Bullfinch’s campaign swing will take the Senator through Nevada (Reno, Las Vegas, and the Mustang Ranch), Southern California, and Northern Mexico. Stated Ivan, “Just because they’re not citizens of the United States doesn’t mean they can’t vote.”