The Senator Leonard K. Bullfinch Newsletter #4
Global Warming
My Fellow Americans:
Many citizens in our fine country, and indeed, throughout the world, are becoming increasingly more alarmed and fearful of global warming. There are many of those who try to deny that it is occurring. Some say we need yet more studies. Others try to play it down by saying it’s not as serious as some would want us to believe, or by calling it “climate change.”
After examining the exhaustive data and conferring with numerous experts, I have become convinced that our planet is, indeed, becoming increasingly, and perhaps even irreversibly, warmer. However, unlike many of these naysayers, I believe that global warming is a positive thing. Consider the following.
Global warming is good for the economy. If the ice caps melt, it will be easier for ships to get to the Alaskan oil reserve. That, and with no snow in Alaska, it would look like the barren, god-forsaken landscape that it really is, so who would care if we drilled there?
Global warming cuts down on heating costs. This (along with the Arctic oil reserve) means less dependence on foreign oil, which reduces the threat of terrorism. How can anybody be in favor of terrorism?
In addition, if the ice caps melted, it would stimulate the real estate market. Inland flooding would mean more sea shore, and everybody loves going to the beach. Also, it would be closer for people living in the Midwest to get to the ocean. And shorter winters mean longer summers. And who doesn’t like summer, especially with the coast so near?
There are some, though, that fear global warming might cause mass extinctions. Even if that is true, extinction is not a bad thing.
Think of how the world would be if velocoraptors and saber-toothed tigers were still running amok. People would be afraid to go outside, and rightly so. Small children and helpless old people would be senselessly slaughtered. Dinosaurs are gone and the world is a better place because of it. Besides, even if we wanted to, we couldn’t kill off all the life on the planet. Fire ants and cockroaches could survive even the most horrific nuclear holocaust. Life will go on.
I realize that some people may not come out as well as others should the polar ice caps melt. Some might lose their homes. Some might even lose their lives. We should, though, always be looking at the bigger picture. We should always ask ourselves, “What is good for the majority of us at this very moment right now?”
Remember, there is no guarantee for the future. All we will ever have is the eternal now. And when you’re gone, what would those you left behind rather have, money, or a whole lot of ice?
Thank you,
The Honorable Leonard K. Bullfinch
My Fellow Americans:
Many citizens in our fine country, and indeed, throughout the world, are becoming increasingly more alarmed and fearful of global warming. There are many of those who try to deny that it is occurring. Some say we need yet more studies. Others try to play it down by saying it’s not as serious as some would want us to believe, or by calling it “climate change.”
After examining the exhaustive data and conferring with numerous experts, I have become convinced that our planet is, indeed, becoming increasingly, and perhaps even irreversibly, warmer. However, unlike many of these naysayers, I believe that global warming is a positive thing. Consider the following.
Global warming is good for the economy. If the ice caps melt, it will be easier for ships to get to the Alaskan oil reserve. That, and with no snow in Alaska, it would look like the barren, god-forsaken landscape that it really is, so who would care if we drilled there?
Global warming cuts down on heating costs. This (along with the Arctic oil reserve) means less dependence on foreign oil, which reduces the threat of terrorism. How can anybody be in favor of terrorism?
In addition, if the ice caps melted, it would stimulate the real estate market. Inland flooding would mean more sea shore, and everybody loves going to the beach. Also, it would be closer for people living in the Midwest to get to the ocean. And shorter winters mean longer summers. And who doesn’t like summer, especially with the coast so near?
There are some, though, that fear global warming might cause mass extinctions. Even if that is true, extinction is not a bad thing.
Think of how the world would be if velocoraptors and saber-toothed tigers were still running amok. People would be afraid to go outside, and rightly so. Small children and helpless old people would be senselessly slaughtered. Dinosaurs are gone and the world is a better place because of it. Besides, even if we wanted to, we couldn’t kill off all the life on the planet. Fire ants and cockroaches could survive even the most horrific nuclear holocaust. Life will go on.
I realize that some people may not come out as well as others should the polar ice caps melt. Some might lose their homes. Some might even lose their lives. We should, though, always be looking at the bigger picture. We should always ask ourselves, “What is good for the majority of us at this very moment right now?”
Remember, there is no guarantee for the future. All we will ever have is the eternal now. And when you’re gone, what would those you left behind rather have, money, or a whole lot of ice?
Thank you,
The Honorable Leonard K. Bullfinch
posted by The Holy Grail Press at 9:48 AM
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