Pitt and Jolie Sighted In Springfield

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were reportedly sighted in Springfield over the holiday weekend. Such sightings are not rare, especially since unidentified sources report that Brad Pitt was raised here, and it is furthered rumoured that his parents might still be living somewhere in this Southwest Missouri town.

This weekend's citing was phoned in by Buster Pilfong. Says Mr. Pilfong, "I was just fixin' to launch my boat when I seen these unusual tracks in the mud by the water. Then I seen the water start to boil and churn, and there was this big neck that comes outta the water. Next thing I knowed, these two really hairy creatures with long arms goes a runnin' from outta the bushes, and they gets on a honest to god flyin' saucer. I don't know what happened next, I must a blacked out or somethin'. But when I awoke, they was gone, my underwear was down around my ankles, and my hemorhoids were cured. And that's the honest god's truth."

Other sources were unable to verify Pilfong's story, except that his wife did comment, "Yup, them suckers is completely vanished. It's a miracle."