The Senator Leonard K. Bullfinch Newsletter #8
Diversity
My Fellow Americans:
The United States is a diverse country. We have a history of openly accepting people of different races, ethnic backgrounds, religious beliefs, and traditions, and it’s time it stopped.
People get offended too easily. It’s gotten to the point where you can’t say anything for fear of offending somebody. If you say Merry Christmas to a Jew, he gets offended. If you say Happy Holidays to a Christian, he gets offended. If you use he as a pronoun, she gets offended. If you innocently call someone a coon or jewboy, a whiny bitch or a God damned atheist, they get offended. Sometimes even people who aren’t even coons or jewboys get offended. And you weren’t even talking to them!
The problem is diversity, and the problem’s gotten out of hand.
Whereas it’s easy to tell if someone is black, it’s impossible to tell if he is an African American. So if you call an African African, African American, you could offend him. Or her. Or them. You never know. You don’t want to offend someone with multiple personalities. Same with homosexuals, Jews, women...the list goes on. People are just too easily offended.
It’s not that I’m opposed to diversity. It’s just that it’s too much work. And people should not get offended with me if I don’t want to put forth the energy to be politically correct. They’re not worried about offending me, by God, if I have to be politically correct.
At first, it was suggested that we require everybody to wear some sort of identification on their chests that will clearly mark them for all of their diversities. That way we could know what offends them and adjust accordingly. For instance, a rainbow colored “G” for Gay, a PB&J for Protestant Baptist Jewish-convert, or a Star of David for Jews. But this clearly got too confusing. Imagine meeting someone with FAGGOT on his chest (a French American who wishes to be recognized as a Global citizen with Gaelic roots originally from Ontario and who happens to be a Taoist). It would be easy to get the wrong idea.
The solution is simple.
First of all, we must realize the cause of diversity. People are diverse because they are different. If people are different, there must be something that they are different from. Otherwise they’d all be the same. And if there is something they are different from, it means that there is something that is more right than the others. And in America, the standard by which diversity is measured is being a white, protestant (preferably an evangelical fundamentalist Baptist), English speaking, middle-aged, male of northern European descent, hitherto known as: Us. History is on our side.
Therefore, having identified the standard, it would be easier to label Us than them. I am in favor of a simple, inexpensive outfit that could easily be worn over your daily clothes, such as a white sheet. A hood would be optional.
I do not advocate signaling out anyone who is not Us. I do not advocate concentration camps or deporting people to Alaska or organizing a mob and meeting this Saturday night in my front yard (say, around 7:00). That would be wrong. But if you do show up, bring your own cross.
Thank You, and God Bless America,
Senator Leonard K. Bullfinch
My Fellow Americans:
The United States is a diverse country. We have a history of openly accepting people of different races, ethnic backgrounds, religious beliefs, and traditions, and it’s time it stopped.
People get offended too easily. It’s gotten to the point where you can’t say anything for fear of offending somebody. If you say Merry Christmas to a Jew, he gets offended. If you say Happy Holidays to a Christian, he gets offended. If you use he as a pronoun, she gets offended. If you innocently call someone a coon or jewboy, a whiny bitch or a God damned atheist, they get offended. Sometimes even people who aren’t even coons or jewboys get offended. And you weren’t even talking to them!
The problem is diversity, and the problem’s gotten out of hand.
Whereas it’s easy to tell if someone is black, it’s impossible to tell if he is an African American. So if you call an African African, African American, you could offend him. Or her. Or them. You never know. You don’t want to offend someone with multiple personalities. Same with homosexuals, Jews, women...the list goes on. People are just too easily offended.
It’s not that I’m opposed to diversity. It’s just that it’s too much work. And people should not get offended with me if I don’t want to put forth the energy to be politically correct. They’re not worried about offending me, by God, if I have to be politically correct.
At first, it was suggested that we require everybody to wear some sort of identification on their chests that will clearly mark them for all of their diversities. That way we could know what offends them and adjust accordingly. For instance, a rainbow colored “G” for Gay, a PB&J for Protestant Baptist Jewish-convert, or a Star of David for Jews. But this clearly got too confusing. Imagine meeting someone with FAGGOT on his chest (a French American who wishes to be recognized as a Global citizen with Gaelic roots originally from Ontario and who happens to be a Taoist). It would be easy to get the wrong idea.
The solution is simple.
First of all, we must realize the cause of diversity. People are diverse because they are different. If people are different, there must be something that they are different from. Otherwise they’d all be the same. And if there is something they are different from, it means that there is something that is more right than the others. And in America, the standard by which diversity is measured is being a white, protestant (preferably an evangelical fundamentalist Baptist), English speaking, middle-aged, male of northern European descent, hitherto known as: Us. History is on our side.
Therefore, having identified the standard, it would be easier to label Us than them. I am in favor of a simple, inexpensive outfit that could easily be worn over your daily clothes, such as a white sheet. A hood would be optional.
I do not advocate signaling out anyone who is not Us. I do not advocate concentration camps or deporting people to Alaska or organizing a mob and meeting this Saturday night in my front yard (say, around 7:00). That would be wrong. But if you do show up, bring your own cross.
Thank You, and God Bless America,
Senator Leonard K. Bullfinch
posted by The Holy Grail Press at 10:26 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home