Continued Fun with Language

Yep, that semi-regular installment where my loyal readers learn just exactly what you can do with a degree in English (other than write blogs that absolutely no one will read). Today: More stupid phrases (or How to Feel Superior when You Hear Others Using Sub-Perfect English).

In my life I have learned to live life one day at a time...

First of all, in who else's life would you do anything? And what other choice do we have than to live one day at a time? Would you really want to live two at once? I might be interested if I could live a half day at a time. Actually, sometimes I feel like I do.

He's a real survivor.

Yeah, I know. People use that when they want to acknowledge that someone has gone through a lot of hard times. But technically, the only qualification you need to be a survivor is not to be dead. Get in line.

Make an attempt...

How do you "make" an attempt? I know how to attempt, but I don't know how to make one.

I would have to say...

Well, then, say it!

You know what I mean!

Yes, I do. You don't have a clue half the time what you're saying and therefore must rely on cliches and euphemisms to talk at all while hoping someone else can fill in the cracks of your ignorance.

God, it's great to be an over-educated snob!