Lunatic Monologues

The Stoner

See, yeah, Dude. You know, the thing is, I’m a little bit short on cash right now, and I know that I owe you a shitload of money. OK, it may not be that much to you, but, you know, I just hate owing anybody anything. You know what I mean. ‘Cause, you know, then it’s like they always got something on you. Yeah, even, like $20. It’s kinda like the Godfather, and some day they’re gonna come and ask you for a favor, and ya gotta do it. It’s shit like that. So here’s the deal: I’d like to pay you in Weed Certificates. You know, like $20 plus interest. So it would be like $30 worth of weed. And I mean this is some kick ass weed. I mean, like you burn one bowl and you’re just totally wasted. And I’m not talkin’ no big bowl, either. And you know, I’d just go ahead and give you this shit right now, but like all I got left are seeds. I’ve like planted a bunch already, and I think some of them are even starting to come, which is really cool. I mean, I really get into plants and all that sort of thing. So, you know, I figure in a couple of months we’ll start getting some really primo bud. That’s what I’m talkin’.... Ow, wow... Did I just say “we”? Oh, dude, man. I screwed up. I’m in with this pretty heavy dude, I guy named Brick. I mean, the guy scares the fuck outta me, and I know him. And the deal is, man, he told me not to tell anybody anything about him. ‘Cause there are these people that want to kill him ‘cause he rolled over on ‘em with the cops, so he’s pretty paranoid. I mean, it may be cool, but we better go talk to him, just to make sure it’s OK and all. Naw, don’t worry, he’s cool. Just try not to stare at his tattoos.