Spreading the Word

This morning on my way to work, driving down Glenstone in beautiful uptown Springfield, Missouri, I noticed the message on the marquee for Glenstone Baptist Church. I was inspired.

It said: "God intervenes in the affairs of men by invitation only." It must be me, but the first thing that came to mind was Job. It's been awhile since I've read that book, but if memory serves, I don't remember Job asking the Lord to totally f*** over his life. But it would've made an interesting prayer. "Dear God, would you please kill off my entire family, take away everything I own, and cover me with boils, just so you can win some stupid bet with Satan."

And what the hell was God doing betting with Satan? Why did he have to prove anything to the devil? I figured kicking him out of heaven to spend eternity chained to a burning lake in the eternal darkness of hell would've pretty much settled any question of who was in charge. But apparently not. How the hell did Satan get out of there? But I digress.

Maybe God only intervenes when you ask for something good. And "you" had better be a man. Apparently women are out of luck. Of course, that's pretty consistent with the Bible any way. Unless you're Mary, forget it. And even at that, the only reason we give a damn about Mary is because she never put out. Makes you kind of glad to have a penis. Too bad God really doesn't want us to use them. But, once again I digress.