The Senator Leonard K. Bullfinch Newsletter #6

Immigration

My Fellow Americans,

Illegal immigration has become a major problem in the United States. Everywhere you look there seems to be somebody who is clearly not a natural born citizen. Sitting at traffic lights in low-riders with their hip hop music turned up way too loud while they mentally undress your wife from behind tinted windows. This has got to stop!

These people who cross our boarders take jobs away from hard working Americans. Just try to get a job picking lettuce for minimum wage. Good luck. They use our social services, such as schools and hospitals, yet do not pay into the system. They’re giving social a bad name. And they are annoying to talk to. Even if they speak good English, they have a goofy accent, and you have to listen really hard to understand them.

There have been many attempts to stop this illicit flow from polluting our land; however, none seems to work. Increased boarder patrols, nasty dogs, taller fences, and dying in the back of trucks abandoned in the desert seem not to deter these people in the least.

To stop illegal immigration, we must first understand the problem. We need to know why these people of questionable origin are sneaking into the United States in the first place. And the answer to that question is because our country is better than theirs.

After all, when was the last time you heard of someone trying to immigrate illegally to Rwanda? Or North Korea?

And once you truly understand the problem, the solution becomes simple. We need to make the United States into a country that no one will want to come to. We need to turn America into a real shit hole, so to speak. And it wouldn’t be hard to do.

First of all, we need to eliminate minimum wage. Unions, too. Let’s go back to the way things used to be. You work for what you can get, and you’re happy that you get it. OSHA can be scrapped. If you’re afraid to work somewhere, there’s someone else who’s not. And if he or she gets hurt or killed, that’s just one more job opening. Maybe even a job for you.

We need to eliminate all environmental controls. Who needs the bleeding-heart tree huggers anyway? Worrying about pollution just hurts a company’s bottom line. And there is no law in America that says you have to live down wind.

Eliminate free health care, not just for immigrants, but for everybody. Why should health care be any different than any other business? If you can’t pay for your steak, don’t go in the restaurant.

And while we’re at, there’s nothing in the Constitution that says we must educate anybody. And let’s face it, once you get out of high school, you’re on your own anyway. And if you can’t afford a college education, what difference is it going to make if you graduated from even the 8^th grade? Those who have money to begin with have always had an advantage. Get over it.

We can reinstate the draft. After all, the military is just as good as college. Anybody living in America should have to fight for America. And you don’t need to speak English when the enemy doesn’t either. In fact, if you can’t speak English you should be drafted first. Now there’s some incentive to learn.

And finally, we need to concentrate wealth to a few privileged individuals. I’m really not certain what this has to do with immigration. I just want to be one of those privileged individuals.

With these simple changes, you’ll no longer have to worry about the boarder. In fact, you can open it up completely. If they still want to come here, let them. God knows we can use the cheap labor. And the really brilliant thing about this plan, is that we’re doing it already.